How To Balance Being An Extroverted Introvert


The definitions of introvert and extrovert are so much more than just being "shy" or "loud". It's about how you recharge, what social situations you prefer, how you open up to people, how you focus, how you respond to attention..there are so many deep rooted things in our personalities which can reflect which one we are. It's not always clear cut and there are many people like myself who would describe themselves as an extroverted introvert. 

To paint a picture of how i'm the both i'll describe last weekend...

On Friday night I decided to go out with friends for a night out. It was a night filled with lots of laughter, me being one of the louder ones in the group, having a cocktail or two, going for a dance and doing ridiculous moves to classic r&b bangers (like gold digger and ignition). At the end of the night we all hugged goodbye and loudly exclaimed how we have such a great night and then were on our way. 

The next day I slept in, made myself a coffee, and just read. I barely touched my phone. I didn't message anyone. I brushed off an invitation to go to the beach with friends and just said I was busy. I wasn't really busy, but it's a lot easier to say that than to say "ah no actually i'm not busy but I just want to stay home on my own and not see anyone". It was a blissful day just doing nothing and having solid alone time. 

I bet there's a lot of people who can relate with this?

The feeling of wanting to go out and be social to then the complete reverse of wanting to stay in and see no one. 

There's nothing bad with either one of those things. There can be a bit of shaming when it comes to being more introverted, sometimes people just don't understand how other's need a lot of alone time to function. At the same time I don't understand how extroverts can actually feel recharged from being with people - that concept is so foreign to me haha. 

There's this fantastic article I read awhile ago which hits the nail on the head of what it's like to be an extroverted introvert, you can read it here. One of the main things is that we're wrapped up in our own heads, even though at times we seem open we're very much deep thinkers and analyse everything. We like being alone but can get lonely. We prefer meaningful conversation over awkward small talk (gosh, small talk is THE WORST).We can put on the act of being an incredibly confident person but sometimes that's just to over compensate when feeling nervous. We can be fun to be around but only for a set amount of time and then we need to retreat back to what's comfortable (my house, my bed). Most of the time we'll get mistaken as extroverts due to appearing so confident and sociable. 

If you're someone who identifies with a lot of those points above then welcome to the club!

Here are some tips of how to have a balance with it though. Sometimes it can be a struggle being the two so it's important to invest time into making sure you're giving yourself rest.

  1. Know your limits. If you've had a lot of socialization and it's beginning to drain you then be intentional about your plans. Don't keep saying yes to everything if you know that you won't enjoy it and will drain you further. 
  2. If you're a busy person then get your alone time when you can. One thing i've started doing recently is having my lunch breaks on my own reading a book. I used to just go find a seat with a work colleague and chat about general things but now I enjoy it SO much more just sitting on my own reading. 
  3. Plan your "ME" time. This tip sounds lame but I actually think it's so important. It's easy to get caught up in constantly doing things but make sure you fit in time on your own to recharge. What I like to do is either read, have a bath, watch Netflix, watch YouTube videos, do face masks, or do some baking. 
  4. Don't book up too many social things in a week. I'm guilty of this, sometimes at the start of the week i'll end up making plans every day with different friends and by the end of the week i'm so tired and grow bitter at having too much on. So to combat this I just plan only a few things, giving myself plenty of time to myself but still socializing. 
  5. BUY MORE BOOKS! Well, this point is more for me because i've gotten obsessed with reading. Books are the best way to unwind though. No technology but just yourself getting lost in another world. Reading is the best.
Does anyone else consider themselves an extroverted introvert? And what is your go-to for when you are drained and need a recharge?

Holly xx

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  1. Although I've always classed myself as an introvert, the older I get the more I realise that I'm probably somewhere in the middle (but with a lean towards introversion). I get more extroverted in front of people who are even more introverted than I am & I always feel some sort of internal panic to keep conversations with those people going, not to mention that I eventually look back on those interactions & cringe at my behaviour lol.

    I definitely feel you re: wanting to go out & be social, yet also craving the comforts of home. I'm someone who really needs her alone time to re-charge & if I don't have that, then I get moody or I feel drained. In those down times, I try & either read, listen to music, or simply chill out with my thoughts.

    Shell // The Novice Life